In the US, it is generally assumed that an Indian marriage is EITHER an arranged marriage OR a love marriage. However, it isn't so simple. Of course, every marriage is different, and common practices will be different in villages vs. cities, and family by family. There are over a billion people in India, so there is bound to be a lot of diversity in tradition and experience.
From what I've seen, many of the more successful Indian arranged marriages, are more of an introduction. Families "short-list" a group of eligible matches, and then the bride and groom have a courtship where they get to know each other. So, the reality of many arranged marriages, especially in the cities, allows for a lot more participation and veto-powers from the couple than I originally believed.
It's like Indian Bachelor / Bachelorette, without any sex. For example, I have a friend who turned down 5 guys her parents presented, before meeting someone she really liked. She selected someone based on a specific set of criteria that was important to her, and is now very happily married.
I also know another who broke off an engagement because he could feel that "the woman just wasn't into him." The families agreed that they were a good match, but he felt it wouldn't work, so he ended the courtship to find someone better suited and more friendly towards him. Again, he is now happily married. So, in these successful "arranged" marriages, the families arranged a set of suitable partners, and then the couple decided if they could love and live with the other party.
Arranged marriages are more likely to be successful when Bride and Groom :
> Know what they are looking for
> Don't compromise
> Honestly portray themselves
> Break off the courtship if it isn't working
Arranged marriages are less likely to be successful when:
> Groom marries only for money: expects high dowry and continues to ask for more money
> Bride or Groom is in love with someone else, but was forced to marry
> In-laws cause problems problems for the couple in a joint family
In India, marriage is an enormous family affair. Families make sure that the other family matches their values, education level, family status, and caste. Families are marrying families. And because of this, divorce is much more complicated, a much bigger deal, and therefore much less likely to occur.
In India the reported divorce rate is extremely low, although it is increasing in the cities. Estimated just one in 1,000 marriages, compared to a divorce rate of44 percent for all Americans.
Divorce is certainly a bigger taboo in India than it is the US. Once married couples will often remain in the relationship just to protect their honor and the honor of the two families. Divorce carries a much bigger stigma in India than in the US, particularly for women. A divorced Indian woman and her family could be shunned, locking them out of society and therefore making it difficult for other members of her family to get married in the future.
Overall divorce rates in the US are also higher because divorce rates are higher for second (60%) and third (73%) marriages, which rarely occur in India. Children of divorce are also 50% more likely to get divorced in the US, which again, is unlikely in India.
Expectations and societal norms therefore, play a large factor. In India it is expected that a marriage is final and that the couple will stay together. In the US, divorce is common, and a lot of people expect that it may not work out.
Another surprising finding recently published in the The New York Times : couples in the US who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce. The so-called cohabitation effect. After all, standards for a live-in partner / room-mate are lower than they are for a spouse. Indian couples don't generally live together or with any other romantic partners before marriage, so take living together much more seriously.
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